Shocked but not surprised by this mess.

Just like that, the American electorate has wished Democracy into the cornfield, and put a deranged authoritarian in charge in the catastrophic Presidential election of 2024.

As we all do what we can to keep our sanity, the big question is now what can we do to hold the pieces together while GOP fascists dismantle the administrative state and implement their openly white supremacist, authoritarian, anti-intellectual, and outright criminal “Agenda 2025”?

What worries me the most on top of our domestic catastrophe is the potential destabilization of Europe, a thing that Putin has been salivating over for the longest. It’s as though the world is run by several Hitlers hellbent on destroying the world order, and not just one this time around. Like, worst sequel ever.

I haven’t slept much, and the death of my buddy Potato the cat yesterday has made matters feel even more like a Stephen King novel that had a love child with Kafka’s The Trial set in Orwell’s Nineteen Eighty-four timeline. Everything sucks but existentialist and surreal.

Emotionally, I’m just numb right now. When I’m trying to feel something, there’s just static. At least I’m familiar with this kind of numbness caused by emotional overload and know roughly what to expect. That I’m writing this is almost a first, as I’m bad at consistent journaling, and even when I write a journal entry against all odds, it’s usually just a sentence or two. 

My husband and I have been licking our wounds separately from each other but talked a bit about other things and only marginally mentioned the election and Trump. We talked about going to Europe, and how we will get through this together. I wasn’t in the mood for a conversation, which is extremely uncharacteristic as I’m usually the one who needs to be stopped from talking.

I took my dog outside at 4am, and sat on the front porch while the dog did his business. I was only wearing pajama pants and a wife beater and the slight breeze of chilly Mojave mountain air felt wonderful, almost cleansing. There’s something serene and beautiful about seeing the sun slowly rising and bathing the otherwise harsh desert mountains with their tilted sandstone layers, and jagged, crumbly cliff faces. The Mohave is cruel and yet life keeps persisting against all odds. From Chuckwallas to Gila monsters, from coyotes to desert tortoises, from chollas to yuccas, they all make a living in this hostile, adverse, and deadly environment.

Take care of yourself, and be safe out there in this hostile, deadly environment.

Bagels

I couldn’t find any more pictures of Potato, but this is my favorite of his baby pictures. Rest in peace, buddy.